It usually starts out as strangers crossing paths, goes through the getting-to-know stages, exchanges sweet nothings. Jumps into a relationship, falls deeply in love, feels like walking on cloud 9. Argues about petty and major issues, one gets fed up, while the other promises to change.
Things go usually back to normal, starts anew and then breaks up. The other one is moving on, while the other still holds on to the last bit of hope he/she has. They both eventually give up, enter a new relationship and the cycle begins again.
Sounds cliché, but it is a fact that we all went through that kind of relationship at one point in our lives. In retrospect, most of us would try to live past it and charge it to experience. Others would find it funny or amusing, but some remained to battle it out, to try and forget.
In some ways, we’d expect technology to make everything easier. That, with one press of a button, it would make the pain go away.
Forgetting has never been easy. Moving on is so tasking that even the strongest breaks down. It makes you do stupid things. Even novocaine and morphine have no powers against the pain.
And then you ask yourself, “Am I really gonna get over him/her? What’s going to happen next?“
Let me share you this, I’ve had my fair share of tragic break-ups and moving on phases. All of them hurt like hell, I gotta admit. How did I get over with it?
Let me round up 5 piece of advice about moving on that I know work. Read it carefully y’all:
Value what’s important
When you hear “I’m breaking up with you!” or “let’s end this“, everything stops. You shut down both physically and mentally. You begin to have those near-death flashbacks, where your relationship flashes like a movie right before your eyes.
It puts you in a state of disbelief and everything is hard to process. You then cry, beg for forgiveness and plead for one more chance. As soon as reality starts to sink in, you begin to isolate yourself.
Crying alone in your room, knowing that it’s you against the world. But the moment you close those doors to everyone is when you reject the possibility of having the people who love you the most, help you in your time of need.
I know that having a boyfriend/girlfriend might be the most important thing right now for some. But do not overlook the fact that your family and close friends were part of the reason why you’ve been motivated during your relationship.
Whether you wanted the same love story like your parents, have the same wedding like your best friend’s or even if you decided not to make the same mistakes they had. They were the inspiration to be the better you.
In order for you to start letting go, let your support group know what’s happening inside your mind and heart. They are the people who know you on a personal level.
Their advice could sometimes be hard to swallow or too harsh. But think of it as constructive criticism. It is not to bring you down or shame you for the mistakes you did. They only want the best for you. And they will be with you from point A to point B, or until you’ve moved on.
You can always have a new relationship. But you can never have new family and close friends, for they will stick with you like glue, ’til the bitter end.
Explore the unknown
I’m not suggesting you go skydiving, bungee jumping or anything less ‘daredevilish’. All I’m saying is that, go out there and try new things. Broaden your horizons. Moving on is about breaking out of your daily routine when you were still together.
Travel! Meet new people, find a hobby, or enroll in cooking classes. Learn a new language.
Moving on gives you the opportunity to not limit yourself. It wants you to go find a distraction, and best of all, it wants you to know how amazing life can be without him/her.
Go out! Don’t be afraid
One nasty thing I’ve observed about moving on, is that every little detail and even the most trivial thing will remind you of your ex: a simple candy wrapper or a restaurant you’ve last spent those happy days together. These will make you nostalgic . It would eventually make you cry and feel sad again.
I remember one time, a good friend of mine literally wailed out of the blue after watching a shampoo commercial. It reminded her of the brand that her ex-boyfriend was using. Seriously, that’s how extreme moving on can be.
There’s also this impending danger of bumping to each other in the most unexpected ways. Most of us try to avoid it, partly because our defense mechanism is to completely forget everything. Or maybe you’re just not yet ready to face the person who you admit as your weakness.
But my point here is, why run away? Why hide from the inevitable?
If every bit of life is a constant reminder of your ex. Then why bother moving on? It defeats the purpose of your intention to let go. Part of moving on is facing those fears.
If you’re scared to confront those issues, it means you’re still holding on to the hope of getting back together. The moment you visit that restaurant or smell his/her scent on your pillow is a sign of accepting that it has already ended.
Be brave! Constantly remind yourself that all of this is from the past. You are ready to let it all go away. It will hurt, but it’s all worth it. And when the time comes when you cross each others’ paths again, you now have the confidence to walk past him/her with a smile on your face.
I’ve mentioned earlier that during post-break up and pre-moving on stages, you’ll start to feel lifeless, numb as a robot, functioning but without emotions.
Everything has died in front of your eyes. Life will seem like a big funeral and you’re the one lying in the casket. People are mourning and crying for the death of your heart.
Let me ask you this, if you’re only 25 yrs. old, have you always been happy before getting your heart broken? Has your life been content even without him/her?
If you answered “Yes”, then you should get my point. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not as if that person still cries about you in the middle of the night.
I find it hard to write this, but people really do come and go. The people who stick to the end are the ones worth keeping, and those who don’t have left you a valuable lesson.
At this stage, being happy is hard, but pretending to be happy is harder. Staying positive is a challenge when all of what you thought was left, has been lost.
The first three things I’ve listed above are essential in keeping that positive demeanor. Understand that losing this battle has provided you life lessons to benefit from. Take it all in and once you’re ready, smile!
Think tomorrow as a fresh start. Moving on is a brand new step in your life. Remember that happiness is a choice and misery loves company.
Forgive & forget
This is the last bit of advice I will give you. And it is the one that is mostly overlooked.
When we say forgive and forget, what it usually suggests is that it’s a matter of accepting the mistakes and shortcomings of the other party. Then generate a platform to start erasing the past.
Lately did I realize that aside from forgiving your ex, regardless of the reason, forgiveness should start from within. Keep in mind that you are both victims of this failed relationship. You’re hurting and so is the other.
Accept the fact that you had lapses and mistakes as well. You also had your share in the relationship’s failure. Forgive yourself first so you don’t grow bitter. Once you’ve completely faced the truth, you can have the key in opening the lock to your peace of mind and freedom from pain.
The 5 tips in moving on that I wrote, are a case-to-case basis. They don’t apply to everyone. They depend on the gravity of the situation. Though I do hope that I’ve, at least, given you an inspiration to move forward. That’s because I knew it helped me and several people I know. It would just be the same for you.
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